Diamonds and Coal

Coal to the “Official Spring Weekend Sun Glasses” the class boards are hocking, unless they come with Official Spring Weekend Cyanide Pills.

Diamond to the Egyptians in the reenactment of the Battle of Qadash on College Green. Go Ramses!

Coal to the Spectator for referring to people who aren’t Asian “round-eyes”. Did you think we wouldn’t notice the racism?

Diamond to the increase of chalking around campus to replace tableslips.

Coal to Jo’s for cooking the cookies all the way through. Leave ‘em soft and delicious, I’ll roll the dice on salmonella.

Coal to whichever of my suite’s three couples managed to get chocolate syrup on the shower curtain and didn’t clean it up.

Coal to bad housing lottery numbers.

Coal to the summer weather. We all know deep down this means we’re doomed to a cold, rainy Spring Weekend–but knock on wood and all that!

A diamond to Providence. Haters gonna hate on hyperbolic characterizations of your weather, but you do just fine for yourself, floods and all.

Coal to my dorm neighbor for playing the same 5 (terrible) songs on repeat all semester. Do I need to make you a mixtape to replace Ke$ha et al?